a boatus
we’re on
just… why
Because you’re out there bright-eyed and upright, believing against all the evidence that the majority of the population aren’t sniggering like cynical 12-year-olds at everything that might have a soft spot. We’re trolls in shining – well, armour’s too strong a word… look, shining isn’t exactly accurate either.
We’re trolls who tell the bald, naked and slightly steaming truth, because if we have to see these things in the cold light of fibre optics, you deserve to as well.
we are driven by values
Lorem ipsum ha ha what? No. We kept this stock heading because it was too funny not to. We are driven by nocturnal bruxism, embarrassing facial tics, and a heady mixture of caffeine and ubiquitous cringe. We just want you not to fail so hard it hurts to look at.
The whole damn internet is already a migraine aura. Please, for the love of all that is holy, let us help you avoid making it worse.
alphabet people
ADHD, PTSD, BPD and a couple of PhDs, we’ve got diversity covered. Ohhh you mean the stuff with flags, that everyone’s angry about.
We extend the same policy of complete confidentiality to our staff as to our clients. We do so with a unique hiring strategy: all of our staff are named Snark and use the pronoun The.
involuntarily committed
We didn’t want to do this. We just don’t know how to stop. Lest our sleepless doomscrolling be in vain and our scathing wit be spent upon the barren soil, we humbly here present it for your edification. Try not to get any on your shoes.
We can at least tell you which way the seal blows. Cross our palms with any internationally recognised currency and gaze into our crystal balls.
generative, aye
We’ve got veterans of the first flame wars, barrel-aged products of the hate distilleries and kids wrecked on platforms you’ll soon wish you’d never heard of. What we haven’t got is Spicy Autocorrect. It’s everywhere anyway, if you need it try just breathing deeply or licking your own doorknob.
oh dear
suddenly
oh no
you realise
oh hai
you need snark